Wednesday, November 17, 2004, 10:05 am
SELAMAT HARI RAYA!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Maaf Zahir Dan Batin...
sorry this entry was long due
haha nvm better late than never
ok ok the reason as to why so long never blog:
went back johor last thursday and
celebrated hari raya in johor on da first day
this years celebration wasnt so grand
or rather i wasnt so enthusiastic about it
dont know y but as the years go by i seem to get less excited about it
so much for green packets
we get less and less by the years
and we don have da cheek to go do our rounds of collection
how was my raya-ing in johor?
well it was ok
nothing special
din get much money
the only thing i love was to play with the rocket fireworks(mercun)
haha the thrill in lighting the fuse and taking cover while the rocket propel into
the air and then exploding with a loud bang
u cant do all this in singapore...
i played with da fireworks till my thumb got burned from using the lighter
haha but it was fun nevertheless
ok thats all for now
enjoy the festive season for now guys :)
Tuesday, November 09, 2004, 10:31 am
haha i'm feeling a bit loony today
so i'll put up some jokes for all of ya
haha they say laughter is indeed the best medicine
and the more u laugh the longer u live
don be offended if its a bit racist or dirty
coz its all in the name of fun
no attacks intended
The $50 Bet ****
A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"
Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed. The redhead said "I can't take this, you're my friend". The blonde said "No. A bet's a bet".
So the redhead said "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money".
The blonde replied "well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"
Chinese Surprise ***
An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping," to the Irishman, "You're in charge of shoveling, and to the Chinese guy, "And you're in charge of supplies. "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that pile."
So the foreman goes away for a couple hours, and when he returns, the pile of sand is untouched. He says to the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?"
The Italian replies, "I didn't have a broom. You said the Chinese guy was in charge of supplies, but he disappeared and I couldn't find him."
So then the foreman turn to the Irishman and asks why he didn't shovel. The Irishman replies, "I couldn't get myself a shovel. You left the Chinese guy in charge of supplies, but I couldn't find him."
The foreman is really ticked off now, and storms off toward the pile of sand looking for the Chinese guy.
Just then, the Chinese guy springs out from a closet and yells: "SUPPLIES!
Lucky Guy *****
A guy is strolling down the street in London where he comes across an old lamp. He picks it up, rubs it vigorously, and out pops a genie.
The genie offers to grant him one wish, to which the guy replies I've always wanted to be lucky."
The genie grants his wish.
So off the bloke strolls, wondering how this will change his life, when he spies 10 quid on the footpath. Not a bad start he thinks. As he picks it up, he notices a Ladbrokes betting shop across the road.
He strolls over, looks through the racing lists, and sees a horse named Lucky Lad at 100/1 in the 4th at Ascot. He puts the 10 quid on the nose, and what do you know, the horse bolts in.
Feeling on a bit of a roll, he heads to the local illegal casino, fronts up at the roulette table and puts the whole 1010 quid on "Lucky seven." Round and round the wheel spins, and "bang!" on Lucky Seven.
Now he's really flying....what better way to celebrate than to head to the local brothel for a bit of horizontal folk dancing. He knocks and enters, when all of a sudden he is showered with streamers and handed a glass of champagne. The madam of the establishment puts her arm around him and says,
"Welcome sir! We have much pleasure in informing you that you are our lucky 1000th customer, and you have won the right to enjoy the pleasures on offer from any girl who works here, absolutely free of charge."
The bloke says that he's always fancied making it with an Indian girl....so he's ushered into one of the rooms when in strolls the most gorgeous sub-continental he has ever seen. Not much time passes before clothing is strewn around the room and the Karma Sutra (pp 101 to 532) is being well and truly tested.
At one point the guy pauses and says to the girl, "You are one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen in my life. I can't believe how lucky I am.
But there is one thing I don't really like about Indian women. I don't like that red spot that you all have on your forehead."
The Indian girl looks him in the eye and says, "Sir, I am here to please you and succumb to your every desire. If you wish to see it gone, then please scratch off my caste mark."
So the bloke goes at it with his fingernail. All of a sudden he leans back and starts laughing his ass off.
"What's wrong, what's wrong?" asks the Indian girl. To which the bloke replies, "You're never going to believe this, but I've just won a car!"
Good Place to Eat ***
Two businessmen were talking about good places to have lunch. One said, "Maxie's is a wonderful place for lunch. You go in for lunch and everyone says 'hello', immediately a delicious sandwich and a cold beer are set up on the bar for you. That's followed by several more cold beers and it's all 'on the house'. They have music and you get to dance a bit and then you go into a back room and have wonderful sex. When it's time for you to leave, the bartender gives you a twenty dollar bill and invites you to come back anytime."
The other man says, "You've got to be kidding. I find that really hard to believe. Do you go there often?"
"No," his friend replies, "actually I've never been there but my sister goes every noon."
Tight Lawyer *****
The staff at a local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer.
The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute and said, "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "Firstly, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the United Way representative mumbled, "Um... No."
"Or," the lawyer continued, "that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
The stricken United Way representative began to stammer out an apology but was interrupted when the lawyer added, "Or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?"
The humiliated United Way representative, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?
Royal Flush ****
Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day, and they both go before St. Peter to find out if they'll be admitted to heaven.
Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so St.Peter must decide which of them gets in.
St. Peter asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to heaven, so she takes off her top and says, "Look at these. They're the most perfect ones God ever created, and I'm sure it will please him to be able to see them every day for eternity."
St. Peter thanks Dolly, and asks Queen Liz the same question. She then drops her skirt and panties, takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, shakes it up, and douches with it.
St. Peter says, "OK, Your Majesty, you may go in".
Dolly is outraged. She screams, "What was that all about? I show you two of God's own creations, she performs a disgusting, hygiene act, and gets in and I don't?!!!"
"Sorry, Dolly," says St. Peter, "but a royal flush beats a pair any day."
